| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|12:25 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | dating, moods | ] |
| [ | That's My Jam |
| | "Twinkle Snow Powdery Snow" by Perfume | ] |
well i'm feeling better since the last entry. me and max are just friends. no dating. we talked it out and i'm okay with his decision. i really liked him though, and i'm pretty sure i like him still, but whatever. i'll try my best not to think of that when around him. i can be a good friend when i want to be :D
on that note, dating is pretty popular with me atm, as i try to discover myself as a sexy mature young woman, and all that blah. i'm not looking for short term stuff, really. i'm not gonna lie to myself. there's hookups, which i don't like anymore, and there's dating. i'm looking to spend a good bit of my time with this person, have sex with this person :D, etc. It better be long term. i don't want flimsy relationships, and that goes with anything in my life. i don't want half assed friends who ditch me for other people when i need them, etc. The same goes for anyone i go on a date with. for me to go on a date, in the first place, i have to tell myself "i can see myself with this person. i'm gonna take a chance with them."
i'm not willing to just drop all my morals and standards and expectations for a man, for whatever reason. that doesn't make me immature, or constricting, or a person with standards too high. it makes me secure in the sense that i have strong beliefs. yes, i would like a guy who's into animation, and politics, and is culturally aware and articulate....who doesn't mind being silly, and enjoys going out on the town to have dinner, or watch movies, whatever the fuck. let's be real. there are TONS of guys like that. even in shitty south carolina. but just because there are guys like that in SC that exist doesn't mean i should go on the town and date the few that other people think would work for me. My expectations are simply a skeleton, a set of basic guidelines, etc. I'm not so shallow that I have some written out bible on what kind of man i want to be with. c'mon. but i know what works for me. i don't have to date people to figure out that part of myself. it's already been figured out. the argument that "you can change what you're into" is pointless, because i can go on a date and realize i DON'T like that person, and move on. i don't believe in soulmates, so i'm not worried that i'm gonna "miss out" on THE ONE.
i've had this discussion with so many people now, that it's starting to fall on deaf ears. people who have been in failed relationship after failed relationship, fucking around, whatever the fuck, are telling me the "rules to getting a man". yes, maybe you should buy yourself a book on the subject, cuz you're no expert.
i am sure that one day, maybe not soon, but i'm sure it's coming, i will find Mr. Snazzy and he'll be wonderful and we'll snuggle deep into the night and into the early morning and we'll sit on our comfy couch butt ass naked and watch tv or something. but for now, i'm not rushing. i'm not dying to be with someone. it's just not on my top list of things to give a shit about. people need to get off my case. do i get emotionally involved prematurely? sometimes, yes. only because i love the idea of finding someone you're compatible with on that kind of level. i'm human, i've made mistakes before. i'm not crying over them. i can admit that i've jumped the gun many times. but i didn't realize that i get emotionally involved prematurely from DATING, but from other things in my past.
i feel that if you have to figure yourself out as a person, and what you want in life, via coffee on a friday night with a stranger, then you're gonna have a hard time in any relationship. and that, learning about yourself, and not Mr. Right, is what is really important.
finally, summer is coming and i'm covered in bug bites. not fun. |
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